


FindMeInPops' 12 Days of Ficmas: Day Ten - Christmas Crackers

by Find Me In Pops (writemeourlovestory)



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21924745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writemeourlovestory/pseuds/Find%20Me%20In%20Pops
Summary: Fangs drinks one too many beers during his and Sweet Pea's Christmas dinner and decides to critic the jokes inside the Christmas crackers.
Relationships: Fangs Fogarty & Sweet Pea, Fangs Fogarty/Sweet Pea
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11
Collections: FindMeInPops’ 12 Days of Ficmas 2019, Home for the HoliDale





	FindMeInPops' 12 Days of Ficmas: Day Ten - Christmas Crackers

**Prompt:** No.46 - “these jokes are not Christmas friendly.”

 **Ship(s):** Swangs

 **Rating:** T

 **CW(s):** dirty + nsfw jokes, alcohol

 **Reindeer Games:** Blitzen - Holidays

* * *

“These aren’t funny!” Fangs exclaimed, throwing another slip of paper onto the floor only to bend over and pick it back up. “I mean, listen to this: ‘Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws.’ It’s utter crap!” He tossed the joke onto the floor again.

Fangs had perhaps had one beer too many but Sweet Pea was finding his apparent anger at the cracker jokes far too amusing to care.

The pair had decided to spend Christmas Day at Sweet Pea’s apartment. There was no family to visit and all of their friends had gone to see their own, most had invited the pair to go with them, but neither had wanted to impose. Instead, Sweet Pea had bought a small turkey as well as carrots and potatoes for Christmas dinner, and invited Fangs to his apartment for the twenty-fifth.

The dinner had been a disaster. They had decided to forego the vegetables and Sweet Pea had burnt the turkey after an impromptu make-out session. When Fangs had arrived on his doorstep an hour ago, he had been clutching a large box of crackers and a crate of beer; they had greeted each other with a kiss but the innocent peck had elevated into full-on making out on Sweet Pea’s bed.

All was not lost though as they had found a box of burgers in the freezer and cooked those instead. Despite being slightly singed, the burgers had come out relatively unscathed and they sat down to eat them at the fully-laid dining table. Prior to his arrival, Sweet Pea had set it with plates and cutlery as well as a glittery red table runner that he had picked up from Walmart - he wanted to make an effort for their first Christmas together.

However, whilst they were eating, Fangs had decided to pull all of the crackers by himself and empty the contents onto the table - this idea came after beer number three. He currently had five and a half hats as well as a tangle toy, some nail clippers and several whistles - all the jokes were scattered across the wooden floor.

“You _are_ reading cracker jokes, they’re infamously bad.” Sweet Pea replied before taking a swig from his own beer; he was pacing himself, not needing the buzz the alcohol brought.

“We should make up our own.” Fangs declared, pulling the last cracker with a snap. “Instead of…” he fumbled to pull out the joke from inside the tube, “instead of ‘what says Oh, Oh, Oh? Santa walking backwards’ - Jesus Christ that’s bad.” A moment passed before he broke into unrestrained giggles, something that only happened when he was drunk. Sweet Pea could not help his own chuckles, he did not find the joke funny in the slightest but seeing his boyfriend so tipsy and giggly was always fun to witness.

“Instead of that,” Fangs tried again after he had stopped gasping for air, “it should be…” He took a few seconds to think before a mischievous grin appeared on his face. “Where should you kick a snowman during a fight? In the snowballs!” Fangs then broke into body-racking laughter again.

“That’s still terrible.” Sweet Pea rolled his eyes.

“Okay, what about:” he proposed, “why did the Grinch rob the liquor store? Because he was desperate for some Christmas spirit.” And then he was off giggling again.

“How about ‘Why was the snowman smiling? Because he saw the snowblower coming down the street.’” Sweet Pea offered, grinning as he took another sip from his beer.

“That’s not appropriate.” Fangs pouted.

“How does Santa stay STD free?” He ignored Fangs’ comment, too proud of his own jokes. “He wraps his package before shoving it down the chimney.”

“No!” Fangs cried, sounding like a protesting toddler, and covered his ears with his palms. “These jokes are not Christmas friendly!”

“Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.”

Fangs wrinkled his nose at that one but continued to hold his hands over his ears as if he never heard a word.

“Why does Santa land on the roof? Because he always likes to be on top.”

“Wait, I don’t- Oh, OH.” Fangs tried his best to hold in his giggles but failed miserably. Sweet Pea was chuckling again too but reached over to slowly take away Fangs’ beer, the latter completely oblivious.


End file.
